TECH REVIEW: The Garden of Apple

The Scarlet Numbers 4.22.12

Hello world. It’s me Scarlet.

Question:

Why is there so much hate in this world?

Why exactly DO we hate? What is the purpose?

Have you ever hated something or someone for no reason at all?

Even if you didn’t even know much about what you were hating?

When I was young, for some reason….

I HATED this shark from the Little Mermaid…
I really don’t know why.
Don’t get me wrong, I like sharks. I watch Shark Week all the time and I love it. But I HATED that shark….SO MUCH! Maybe it was because I just didn’t want to WHOLE movie to be over within 15 minutes.
I really don’t know.
But I found myself all grown up doing the same exact thing, HATING something that was competely unknown to me…it was a company. A company called Apple…
I found myself saying things like:
“I would not eat them here or there!
I would not eat them anywhere!”
Then a couple of years had passed and my friend got a job at Apple. She made commission off of all of her sales. So on one Friday night during Sex in the City night, she said….
“Hey Scarlet, have you ever heard of the Iphone?”
And then I began my usual ryhme,
“I would not eat them here or there,
I would not eat them anywhere!”
A couple days later, after my friend was STILL talking about how awesome this Iphone thing was….I was finally actually kinda sorta interested….
“You see it has this thing called a touch screen,
and when you touch it, birds will fly out of your vagina.”

Then I decided to open my mind up a little to the idea of using an Apple product. I was really excited to try out the touch screen thing…

So I went to the AT&T store, which of coarse was full of a bunch of snakes and Apple products…And I actually somehow had enough money to buy this ridiculously expensive phone.
And after that magical moment,
all I was ever to say about Apple was,
“Me love you long time.”

I felt like I had been finally set free after being trapped from ten thousand years in shackles. This device….was so magical, so brilliant, so perfect.

Any time that I wanted to access the internet my Iphone was just like..

POOF…what do you need?

POOF…what do you need?

POOF…what do you need?

I was seeing sides of myself that I had never seen before.

I was almost as if I was in a whole never world.

And then ONE year passed….and I new Apple Iphone came out. It looked the same, but it was NEWER….

Then my boyfriend Adam said,

“These Green Eggs and Ham are fucking marvelous.”

At the time I couldn’t afford this newer version. So I waited and saved and waited and saved….

I it took me TEN THOUSAND YEARS to save the money….

And trust me….ten thousand years can give you such a crick in the neck! But eventually I bought everything. Everything!

And then I lived happily ever after?

No….after I bought my APPLE shrine….
IPAD 2 BITCH…
You don’t have one…
And the AT&T employees….which orgionally told me I had UNLIMITED DATA plans ended up taking all my money from me again….
For using TOO MUCH UNLIMITED DATA.
There is no happy ending to this story.
Just sadness.
THE END

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Apple, Garden Of Apple and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

44 Responses to TECH REVIEW: The Garden of Apple

  1. It will take me 50 thousand years more to buy apple… ๐Ÿ˜›
    so i live with Blackberry till i find money to change my fruit device

  2. I’m on my way to the AT&T store today to buy an IPhone for my son’s birthday – an upgrade he really doesn’t even want. He believes it’s just a ploy so we fork over EVEN MORE money for our mobile phone addiction. We are still trying to understand why we need to do this, but everyone else seems to be doing it. They just can’t tell me why.

    • My advice: Every upgraded phone has quality features that are actually worth the money you pay for, but contantly obsessively thinking “you must” upgrade is unnecessary. However, your son will LOVE his upgrade.

  3. buttercupsandbuttons says:

    clever and true!

  4. Love your use of pics in this post!

    • @thetickthatbitme, I was going to say exactly the same thing re pics. However, not only do I love the art for this entry, but for the site as a whole.

      I can also relate to your feelings about Apple. It took Microsoft XP to make me an Apple proselytizer. That was way back in late 2000. Now, I refuse to let anything from Microwreck into my house. I have an old copy of Office Suite that came out well before Apple produced a similar suite of products and I have an ancient Intel machine, Papadale, I really can’t seem to turn off unless I unplug the damn thing. The problem is that I can’t find the power bar to do so and I don’t feel like getting all dirty and dusty. *pout* (Yes, that is my outer and inner femme demanding to be heard.) So, that means the electricity gobbling, stone aged, full tower thingamabob keeps eating money as an entrรจe and won’t pay for dessert. Yet another reason to buy a Mac! Apple will dispose of the old computer in an ecologically friendly way if I buy a replacement product from them. *cackling in a decidedly sinister manner* I’m coming to get you Papadale.

  5. Jim Cantwell says:

    AT&T iphone plan is too expensive, I dumped them and went with sprint and the android platform,
    Great Post

    • How much cheaper is it using Sprint? Significantly cheaper?

    • Jim Cantwell says:

      and where do I get a password from for the previous post ha-ha

    • As I was saying before I hit the wrong key and accidentally erased my post, I have AT&T and have for a very, very long time–way before the introduction of the iPhone. Apparently in contrast to a lot of other users, I’ve had great service, other than when they close entirely too early; I’m grandfathered into the unlimited plan since I’ve had it well before AT&T decided to stop selling unlimiteds, and; I haven’t noticed any discrepancies in upload and download times even when I use my phone a lot, which is all the time. My bill is ~$125/month, including various fees and taxes. It will be a little bit over this month because I gave up looking for a company in the YP app and called 411. IMO, that’s where they make the real money!

  6. FishyGov says:

    Why do we hate? The simply answer is that without hate there cannot be love. Our world currently seems a bit skewed to the hate side and is showing a great reluctance to swing its pendulum back to the side of love. We occupy a place where we have free will which is best illustrated with the Yin-Yang symbol. A world of opposites comprised of positive and negative (good or evil) choices are available for us to choose from freely.

    I disagree, however, with the symbols stark depiction which implies that there is no possible choice to be made except a good or evil one. Perhaps a more representative image would be a Yin-Yang gradient symbol where the purest positive and negative choices lay on the outer rim of the symbol with their purity degrading to the middle where the choices are neither positive nor negative (good or evil).

    Those who do make the purest outlaying choices shock our senses in a good or horrific manner. Most of us reside in the safe degraded grey zone of choice.

    I look good in grey but sometimes I put on something black and in the hot summer months I mostly wear white.

    Thank you muse. I’ve been noodling this one for awhile but it took your question of hate to bring it to the surface.

  7. I loved this post. I too have hated Apple for most my life, mostly because it was too much of a cult like religion, and well, their computers were just awful. (Note: I’m still bitter about Microsoft getting away from the dos prompt, so I have all sorts of issues. I digress…)

    Two summers ago I returned to Iowa from living in the DC Metropolitan area. I hated phones. My parents, both had iphones and seemed to be playing with them constantly. They are older, obviously, and seemed to be on the cutting edge of technology. It was unbearable. They shamed me into buying the 3s. Now, I have it and an ipad I and ipad II. I wrote my last book entirely on the ipad I. I love it more than kittens and gratuitous hotties on TV.

    Their computers are still an abomination, but I love the other stuff.

    • I’m loving the iPad 2, but I think Apple’s future looks grim. It’s hard to believe they’ll be able to continue to keep up with their outstanding reputation. I believe we’re in the golden age of handheld technology that will eventually be leave the consumer exploited and eventually looking for the next new gadget or gizmo

  8. Pingback: The Greying of Yin-Yang | FishyGov

  9. jymiely says:

    lol! i also had this hate for apple… know why?coz even a thousand years of being thrifty, i can’t afford such fruit! i might buy one if it can be stick inside your tooth… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. Homepage says:

    Outstanding read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing some research on that. And he really bought me lunch since I discovered it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch! 778565

  11. Pingback: cankery bucky bereaver

  12. Hi, i think that i saw you visited my website thus i came to โ€œreturn the favorโ€.I am trying to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

  13. Woh I like your content material , saved to favorites ! . 644466

  14. OnX says:

    Welcome to the wonderful world without blue screens of death and all those stupid little file that fuck up everything. Well, OK. Apple has its own little obscure files, but they DO things. Apple software isn’t a bloated beast who hungers for your frustration so more IT Help Desk employees can keep their jobs.

    BTW, I most definitely appreciate the photo with the . . . um . . . blonde braids. Yep, that’s what I appreciate.

  15. hey there, your site is cheap. We do thank you for work 396045

  16. Several thanks for this specific information I was basically browsing all Search engines to discover it! 568484

  17. jeeprs creeprs says:

    No Iphony for me thanks, if I knew of a Linux phone is have Oh by the way the brown stogies are my fav, they’re rough on ya though. take care.

  18. aaron wall says:

    Someone essentially lend a hand to make critically articles I’d state. That will be the initial time I frequented your web site page and so far? I amazed with the research you created to create this actual post extraordinary. Fantastic activity! 572144

  19. hi!,I like your writing so a great deal! share we communicate far much more about your write-up on AOL? I require a specialist on this region to solve my issue. Might be thats you! Searching forward to see you. 650616

  20. I am often to running a blog and i really respect your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your website and preserve checking for brand spanking new information.

  21. As soon as I found this web site I went on reddit to share some of the love with them. 12724

  22. Pingback: Ten Good Blogs I’ve Made. (And 10 Bad Ones.) | thescarletnumbers

  23. Nuzha Roy says:

    Right now it looks like Drupal is the preferred blogging platform available right now.
    (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

  24. Hassan says:

    Tried to read all the comments but my brain crashed with error 438:too much text ๐Ÿ˜›
    The post is really nice and we hate because the world is a really bad place and there’s no love and the love we know is actually a form of hate where we like someone so much that we hate to share them and blablabla..so the bottom line is let’s all pour gas on ourselves and let me do the honours with my favourite lighter ๐Ÿ˜›
    PS:this comment was stupid the moment I started typing ๐Ÿ˜›

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s