Finding Your Nietzsche: 8 Things You Should Never Do When Promoting Your Blog

Hey World. It’s me Scarlet.

First I’d like to apologize for posting those naked pictures of myself earlier today. It was wrong of me and I wasn’t thinking. I’ve taken a step back and realized exactly what I can do it make it up to you all….

Rambo jokes.

If I happen to think of any…I’ll defnately keep you posted.

Anyway, If you are reading this blog and your name is Heath Ledger, the chances are that you have an audience who universally loves you. However, it’s very much more likely that you’ve probably tried to promote your work at least once or twice and made a complete Jack Nicholson out of yourself.

Hey Eckhardt, think about the future!”

Nicholson couldn’t have said it any better, you need to think about the future Jack. The things you do today are going to entirely impact your entire future – and particluar things will keep your reputation from Shining. So if you give a Shmidt about your repuation, I suggest you pay attention.

First of all….we all make mistakes. If we didn’t all make Gay Cowboy movies every once in a while, we wouldn’t be human. And there’s a good reason why we all don’t use Time Machines to jumpstart our careers…

“Stay in the 80’s kid, your future’s gonna be a little shaky.”

You have to make the right choices if you want to succeed in this world. You need to find a straight path. You can’t just go from being a body builder to a time traveling hero and then expect to be a Kindergarden Teacher and a poilice offier simultaneously. It just doesn’t work like that unless you want your career to Jingle all the Way to End Days. You can’t just play “Mr. Freeze” with your career and expect that one day people will forget and elect you for Governor.

“That’s never gonna happen. Not in a million years.”

Here’s a list of: 10 Things You Should Never Do When Trying to Promote Your Blog. Who knows, maybe if you follow these rules carefully, you can be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger.

RULE #1.

Never do Summersaults while making a blog.

Although it may be tempting, you should never try to type and so Summersaults at the same time. “Blogging and Summersaulting” is dangerous and can lead to horrible blogs that aren’t even funny.

RULE #2.

NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

BLOG ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS

“Leave Zimmy Alone…”

People want to read about important issues. No one cares if some blogger copied and pasted something from CNN hoping to get attention from a story that’s in reality – none of your damn buisness.

Don’t expect to be a successful blogger if you’re just going to be a Wolf Blitzer wannabe. Your chances of success are slim unless you have a cool-looking beard that looks competely identical to his. If you beard isn’t absolutely 100% COMPLETELY IDENTICAL….just give it a rest and leave Zimmy alone.

RULE #3.

NEVER BLOG ABOUT FOOD

Anyone and everyone can write a 10,000 word essay about how much they love “Brain Cupcakes.” Everyone knows they are delcious. And everyone knows where to get them. Stop blogging about them!

RULE #4

NEVER BLOG WHILE DRIVING

Although you may think your “10 Voices of Doubt” Blog is hilarious, but the remaining family members of that picnic of people you just ran over probably won’t be giggling much when they’re reading it. If you make the poor decsion to start a blog, try not to do it behind the wheel. Unless you’re at a red light. That’s okay.

RULE #5

NEVER BLOG ABOUT

“THE LITTLE MERMAID”

The only reaon I made this rule is because my Little Mermaid jokes are limited, and if everyone starts doing it it’s just going to make my life harder and harder.

RULE #6

Don’t Post Pictures of Yourself Naked For Attention.

You’ll just end up deleting the blog and feeling embarrassed.

RULE #7

Never Blog About Blogging

Reguardless of how successful you think you are…no one wants to hear about how you went about doing it. No one gives a crap about “what subjects you should write about” or “good places to promote your blog and get new readers.” The internet is good for only two things:

1. Porn: (Which belongs on porn sites, not blogs.

2. Pay attention…

Rule 8:

Never post pictures of Jesus holding a subway sandwhich.

Unless you have extremly poor taste. (In humor, not sandwhiches.)

Thanks for reading everyone! Share this with someone if you thought it was funny!

-Scarlet

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Finding Your Nietzsche, Top 8. Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Finding Your Nietzsche: 8 Things You Should Never Do When Promoting Your Blog

  1. Some very good points. I can happily rest assured that I will never post naked photos of myself online for the attention ūüôā However, I will not discourage others. lol

  2. Jim Cantwell says:

    Actually I could write a 40000 word novel on how awesome brain cupcakes are, but I wont haha. You right the world is watching if your trying to build a platform you have to be very careful what you do

  3. clownonfire says:

    TheScarletNumbers,
    What if it wasn’t the White Jesus holding a subway sandwich, but a more realistic darker Jesus… Would it be ok?
    Le Clown

  4. Roger says:

    Never blog about Little Mermaid jokes? No competition there for I don’t have any. lol

  5. It’s amazing in favor of me to have a web site,
    which is good in support of my know-how. thanks admin

  6. Hello there, You have done an excellent job. I will definitely digg it and
    personally suggest to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this site.

  7. Thanks for sharing such a pleasant idea, article
    is fastidious, thats why i have read it completely

  8. What’s up to all, it’s in fact a good for me tto pay a quick visit this web page, it consists of useful Information.

  9. It’s very simple to find out any matter on net as compared
    to textbooks, as I found this paragraph at this site.

  10. Hi t…¶ere colleagues, iits immpressive paragraph –≥egarding teachingand f’Ĺlly
    explained, keep it up –įll the time.

  11. hi!,I love your writing so so much! proportion we keep up a correspondence extra approximately
    your article on AOL? I need a specialist in this space to resolve
    my problem. May be that is you! Having a look ahead
    to peer you.

  12. Hildebrand says:

    I’m gone to tell my little brother, that he should
    also pay a quick visit this weblog on regular basis to get updated from most up-to-date
    news.

  13. Jerilyn says:

    J’utilise le galvanic spa (ou nuskin, ou les produits de la marque) et je peux confirmer le
    fait que cela marche très bien.

  14. Nicki says:

    No quarto dia, você poderá comer de 8 a 10 bananas ao longo do
    dia, além de 3 copos de leite.

  15. Claude says:

    Vous auriez également être sur les programmes secrets
    qui aident c√©l√©brit√©s gagnent le poids qu’ils d√©sirent dans le plus
    bref délai possible.

  16. Jasmin says:

    Même si faire ce genre de choses ne suffira pas forcément à vous faire perdre du poids, ce sont de petites astuces utiles qui peuvent
    vous garder sur la bonne voie.

  17. I just couldn’t depart your website before suggesting that
    I really loved the usual information a person provide in your visitors?
    Is going to be back frequently to check out new posts

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s