10 Simple Ways to Improve your Klout Score

The Scarlet Numbers 5.6.12

Hey world. It’s me Scarlet. I’ve been doing a lot of programming lately and I’ve built a new engine that measures statistical data. With this new program that I’ve written, all you have to do is type your name into a search box and it will tell you how COMMUNIST you are. So I decided to test it out and I typed in:


And just like I predicted, my score was ZERO out of 100.

That’s the good news, the bad news is when I typed “Klout” into the search box the results showed that Klout was:

Klout was MORE than 100% communist. (In fact it was 206.3462% Communist)

Have you been keeping up with the Klout Communists lately?

If you are active in social media professionally the chances are that you have probably recently converted over to this new form of Communism.


What a bunch of fucking communists.

This weeks Scarlet Letter goes to the Klout Score. This three year old finally learned how to talk and walk and now the little shit thinks it knows everything in the world that there is to possibly know.

Klout considers “Internet serious business.”

Maybe this 3 year old kid needs to stop thinking like a child.

I suppose it’s natural for a three year old to think something as ridiculous as:

“Justin Bieber has more influnce than Obama.”

Wow. Don’t worry by the age of 5, he won’t be thinking that anymore. Maybe be then he’ll put down his coloring books and start reading some history books. I’d suggest a bedtime story about an “old phogie named AOL”

The story goes something like this:

” In the beginning there was AOL…then ten years later no one gave a shit. The End. “

Don’t fall for this Communist Propaganda. Seriously.

I’m assuming if you’re reading this you’re over the age of five. Maybe you’ve even heard about Communism. As an American, I’m insulted that this company is even allowed to exist. Why don’t YOU start asking Klout, “Hey what’s your fucking Commie Score?.”

“Just what I thought. A fucking commie.”

Don’t depend on a reliable answer on this buisness card made by a 3 year old. (Although it does actually look pretty professional considering a 3 year old did it!)


That means put the iPhone down, quit with the social networks, and do your homework! Read a history book and QUIT BEING SO DAMN UNAMERICAN!

A three year old doesn’t know who these people are. YOU SHOULD KNOW. And if any of these people were still alive today, they’d be using Klout right now!

To stop listening to everyone else…

and maybe just for a second….

start listening to yourself.

Don’t let another company decide

how influential you are.

Don’t put that decison into the hands of Communists!

If you use Klout, you’re basically letting them tell you: “Fuck you, you’re not as influential as Justin Bieber.” Only you can say,

“Shut the fuck up Commie, Justin Bieber is fucking retarded.”

The Klout Score I am assigning Klout is a ZERO out of 100 because Klout has virtually no influence over me whatsoever. There’s only two choices to make: You can be a Communist – and let the Commies label your “whosits” and “whatis” galore. Or you can be a Capitalist – a free thinker – one who doesn’t let others judge them and define their potential. So the next time an employer doesn’t hire you because of your Klout Score, tell them to quit acting like a 3 year old and be an American! There is no amount of statistics that can be collected that won’t have an infinite margin of error tomorrow. Time is never on statistics side fortunately, because things change….And trust me…when Klout isn’t one of the New Kids on the Block anymore….No one is going to consider any statistical analysis generated by Klout as “the right stuff.”


The truth is…only YOU can influence yourself.

Therefore everyone’s Klout score is 100…and if anyone else tells you otherwise quickly let them know that they have no right to judge who and what you are.

We’re all human.

We’re only statistics when we’re dead.

And humans aren’t perfect. We all have flaws.

But statics….

they have flaws everywhere one second after they’re generated

because the only consistent thing in life is change.

The Scarlet Numbers – 5.6.12


About thescarletnumbers

This entry was posted in Philosophy, Politics, Top 10. Bookmark the permalink.

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