The Scarlet Numbers 5.8.12
The Scarlet Numbers 5.8.12
As many of you know I’ve been doing a lot of dating recently. After my huge messy breakup with Google+, I finally forgave him for sneaking into my laundry basket and sniffing my panties.
After briefly dating Twitter a couple of times I realized I was getting tired of so many short meaningless conversations. Also in the bedroom I quickly learned that Twitter also had something else that was short and meaningless.
“Welcome to Clusterfucks!”
The only place Twitter would ever take me was to a restaurant called Clusterfucks which was overly crowded and filled with people who had to raise their voices just to hear over each other.
“I have more followers than people I’m following…I’m kind of a big deal.”
The whole place was messy and filled with self-promoters and wannabe celebrities. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, this ugly British Communist named Klout approached me and said…
“Nice tits babe. I give them a 67 out of 100. Do you like Communism?”
For some reason this creep considered this a compliment! Who was he to just judge me like that! I quickly finished my Vodka/Redbull and left Clusterfucks quickly because I hate communism and Great Britain more than words could ever describe.
“Thank you for dining at Clusterfucks! Have a good day!”
No offense to the rest of the world, but I only date Americans and I wish these tourists like Klout would leave me alone and stop trying in enforce communism into my life! Right as I left the door of Clusterfucks….
A green Lamborghini approached me. The window slowly rolled down and a familiar voice said, “Hey baby, can an I have your phone number?” It was Google+…my American knight it shining armor who swept me off my feet once again….
We spent to whole night traveling the town promoting my blog.
It was awesome.
“Step right up and see some boobs!”
Anyway, I’ve come up with 10 more reasons why Google+ is here to stay:
Unlike Facebook which decides who your real friends are FOR YOU…Google+ allows you to put everyone into specific “circles” so you can separate the douchebags from the guys who drive green lambos.
I LOVE circles because now I can
separate everyone by boob size and dick size.
This lets me easily ignore communists with small Twitters and kept me away from messy restaurants like Clusterfucks.
These circles are freaking awesome. Unlike Facebook who is overly protective and doesn’t want you to meet anyone else, Google+ will let you follow anyone.
“No, never you can’t follow people on Facebook…….WHY?
Because I don’t like weird ladies in purple shirts following me…that’s that!”
Basically, Google+ just took the one “good” idea of Twitter had that wasn’t short and meaningless….”following” and the just completely copied Facebook’s entire platform.Following is great when you’re only following in specific “circles” Take for example if you only want to read the status updates about Klout and Twitter you can search for them specifically and your blog can reach an audience who’s already talking about the same thing:
“Klout and Twitter both have 1 inch penises.”
There is an unlimited amount of people you can follow, so if you’re trying to promote your new blog filled with tons of new hilarious Rambo jokes…you can just Google “Rambo jokes” and instantly see all the people who have recently been talking about Rambo jokes.
This concept is perfect for anyone who wants to annoy everyone advertising a blog that no one cares about.
#3. Did I mention circles are awesome?
Now when anyone pisses me off, I can just put them in my “no boobs for you” circle and when I post my boobs for the world wide web to slobber over, they will be excluded.
So if you like staring at my boobs, you better start promoting my blog right this instant or else I might put you in my “no boobs for you” circle.
Gotta go take a dump.
Bye everyone! Thanks for reading!