The Scarlet Numbers 5.9.12
Believe it or not there was a time when people actually watched shows that had nothing in common with Oscar the Grouch’s home. However somewhere around 1997, we all collectively decided that fist fighting and chair throwing were more fun to watch than Ricki Lake and Oprah just get fatter and fatter.
I’m here today to list the Top 10 Trashiest Shows of all Time
We’ll start with the greatest:
#1: Jerry Springer
“I cheated on you with your own dad and brother and the same time!”
She won’t know this until later…but so did he.
We quickly changed the channel off of Christina Ricci playing Wednesday and began watching the more interesting Wednesday: 85-130 curse words bleeped out per episode by trailer trash, food-stamp collecting maniacs with personal problems that could only be solved with non-stop violence.
Eventually the FCC standards for broadcast decency slammed the ban hammer on this shining American Eagle. It was no coincidence that when the chairs stopped flying, America lost interest and flipped the channel back to view chairs crushing rather than flying when viewers laid eyes on the shocking amount of weight Ricky Lake had gained.
Cops has been one of the highest rated shows since _________. (Insert something I read straight from Wikipedia here.) What would we do without Cops? Life would be boring and we’d all be running around toting guns like George Zimmerman. Thanks to cops we all know where to hide our drugs without getting caught. Let’s just say we learned from the mistakes of people like this:
Hopefully Cops will never get cancelled anytime soon because the show has been keeping up safe for more than a decade. America must have been in complete chaos before the producers of this show decided to start filming.
#3. Married with Children
Shoe salesmen have been getting laid non-stop since this show began. This show single-handidly sky-rocketed the divorce rate in America and is responsible for every divorce since. Suddenly, the stay at home housewife just wasn’t sexy anymore. We all saw her as just some kind of purple haired one eyed freak.
“Get a job you purple haired one-eyed Leech!”
Totally not sexy. Unfortuately this show created a huge complex for all women in America. We just weren’t satifsied with our husbands anymore because they spent more time staring at Christia Applegate’s ass. This created a dilemna which could only be solved by all women become complete utter trashy sluts….
#4. Sex in the City
If you’ve recieved an STD in the past decade, more than likely this show is to blame. This shoe totally made “fucking the shoe-salesman” not cool anymore. Soon woman quit sitting around around all day and started sleeping wih random men all day. This show proved that any ugly girl can get laid anytime with anyone. And now we’re all suffering the consequences because we all have multiple STD’s. Thanks Samantha. Some role model you were.
#5. Teen Mom
This show encouraged every young woman out there over the age of three to “shake their money makers” and “drop it like it’s hot” until whatever we did after that drunken Tuesday night make it look like we swallowed a basketball. These teens are supposed to be learning pre-algerba, how the FUCK are they on MTV more than Metallica?
That’s a question we may never know…until now….
This show was so offensive the FCC banned Snuffleoffogus from even being on the program after the first episode because his diaper was too offensive for the general public. As if we hadn’t seen Miss Piggy’s underpants enough from watching Sex in the City…now we’re forced to see her diaper. The grown-ups in this show didn’t even button their shirts! They just walked around with their boobs hanging out and everything. This is why the FCC forced the creators to only show grown ups from the waist up. Competely. Disgusting.
“You can’t live with em’, you can’t live without em’…”
This was origionally a top ten list that included Jersey Shore, Family Guy, Southpark, Pawnstars, and that tow truck show with the fat people yelling. But I’ve come to realize that all of this origionated straight from Muppet Babies. There’s no need to finish this list. We all know what has truly ruined American televison.
I could go on forever about how many spin offs these six shows have generated. But that would be a complete waste of time. Just like Rugrats. The only thing we all REALLY know is…
these shows have “made a moneky out of ol’ King Kong, and I hope that something better comes along.”