Movie Review and Analysis: The Avengers pt. 2

The Scarlet Numbers 5.11.12

To everyone who enjoys this blog….

As many of you know I am a professional taste tester who specializes predominately on writing reviews for various media outlets on Potato Chips.  However, you might not have known that I once worked for Rolling Stone until I refused to write an article comparing Lenny Kravitz’s new hit single “American Woman” to Lays Baked Potato Chips.

When I was given this assignment, I immediately resigned.

Unlike most Potato Chip Activists, I believe that despite the increased amount of monosodium glutamate, you simply cannot compare Lays Baked Potato Chips to anything Lenny Kravitz has ever accomplished.  It’s just not possible. They don’t even have anything in common with each other!

To put it simply:

 LAYS BAKED POTATO CHIPS SUCK

and Lenny Kravitz….well….

Let’s just say Lays Baked Potato Chips never got a chance to act as a supporting actor in The Hunger Games.  Lays Baked Potato Chips hasn’t won SEVEN GRAMMY’S for Best Male Rock Vocal Performance…hell….Lays Baked Potato Chips doesn’t even know how to play the guitar!

Lenny Kravitz: An actual musician

(Unlike Lay’s Baked Potato Chips)

I love music.  And it would break my heart to know that I would have ruined Lenny Kravitz’s career by writing such a hateful article in favor of Lays Baked Potato Chips.  So let’s just say that sometimes we all need to take the Thumper approach to life:

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Let’s just say “I prefer my chips “Ruffled.”  And I would rather not write a 265 world essay about how much I love Lays Baked Potato Chips, because I don’t love them at all. In fact, I prefer Tostitos.

-Scarlet

5.11.12

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Movies. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Movie Review and Analysis: The Avengers pt. 2

  1. Alex says:

    Now why would Jann S. Weiner(or however they spell thier name) even gice you that assignment? it is stiupid. Should of gave to it Hunter S. Thompson. he could have “fear and loathed” Lenny’s lack of talent(?) Lay’s chips have more “staying power” than Lenny does(will?). And as a gal you know how inportant “staying power” is!!!!!

  2. I don’t like them either. Now, if I were to chose between Mr. Kravitz and the king of cured meats, bacon, well I’d gladly ramble on for 265 words…and by that…I mean 1100. I’d probably get fired for excessive verbosity. (and redundancy) I digress. You made the right call.

  3. Ed Lozano says:

    Geeze… Now I have to go to the store and look for ‘healthy’ chips
    I prefer Vinegar and Salt…Kettle Chips.
    Like your review.

    …..back to your bottom. 😀

  4. Did I miss something? I came here looking for a review on the Avengers movie…well, either that or to find out who exactly is the owner of the amazing derriere featured at the top of the article; and all I find is some total non sequitur about Lays baked Potato Chips (which taste like reconstituted paper with salt on them) and Lenny Kravitz?!?

    I think this is where I put the…

    WTF?

  5. boomiebol says:

    Love live tostitos!!! Those things are so good…another great post BTW

  6. Alex says:

    Also the panty clad ass was appreciated!

  7. Jim Cantwell says:

    Good for you Scarlet,
    I mean seriously both lays baked potato chips and Lenny Kravitz are in a league of their own lays baked chips are in the suck ass league and Lenny is musical genius you made the right decision.

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