100 Things I hate about Cats – Part Two

As many of you know…I hate cats. Why? Well I’ve already give you nine reasons. I only have 91 more reasons left….so lets get started.

#10. Cats Look Stupid When They’re On Leashes

Have you ever seen a cat on a leash? They just look plain stupid. Say goodbye to all your walks in the park because it’s just too embarassing.

#11. Cats Can’t Play the Drums

Let me guess…your favorite band probably doesn’t have a cat as a drummer. That’s because cats suck at playing the drums. They just suck. Yeah they may look cute doing it for like 2 seconds before you’re rummaging through your medicene cabinet for an entire bottle of advil.

#12. Cats have Weird Looking Buttholes

Ever licked a cats butthole? No. That’s because they’re gross and weird looking.

#13. Cats never work out

Have you ever seen at cat and said…”Damn…look at that sexy ripped muscular stud…” No. That’s because cats never work out. They’re too lazy.

#14. Cats Never Pray

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why does God hate cats so much?” It’s because cats never pray. We all know all dogs go to heaven…because dogs actually are smart enough to go to church every Sunday to save themselves from eternal damnation. Unlike cats which don’t even care that their souls are destined for the firery pits of hell for all of eternity.

#15. Can’t Aren’t Even Sexy

WHERE ARE THE BOOBS? No man is ever going to spank his fishtank to that!

#16. Cats Killed JFK

We all know that a cat is repsonsible for JFK’s assassination. Everyone knows this. And trust me, I’m no conspirary theorist (unless it involves Beethoven or the song A Few of My Favorite Things)

#17. Pink Cats are just weird looking

I am so sick of seeing people walk pink cats on leashes at the park. It’s just unnatural. STOP DOING IT.


#18. Did I mention Cat’s arent’ Even Cute?

Look at their weird sideshow freak of a cat. Don’t you just want to step on it with some steal toed boots? I sure as hell want to.

#19. Cat’s just aren’t funny
I’ve never seen a good comedy at the theatres that was directed by a cat. Cats suck at stand-up…they just suck at telling jokes period. I understand “it’s a free country” but enough is enough.

Can’t need to quit trying to be funny because they’re not.


About thescarletnumbers

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3 Responses to 100 Things I hate about Cats – Part Two

  1. Cam McLean says:

    Have you ever read “101 Uses For a Dead Cat”?

  2. boomiebol says:

    Not a fan of cats either lol

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