Postnuptial Agreements: Everything You Need To Know

Ever made a decison that you wish you hadn’t made?  I have & as a consequence I’ve had the Muppet Babies song stuck in my head all day.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about trust me you don’t wanna know.  Here’s a good question:  What’s a postnuptial agreement?  Most of us haven’t heard of such a thing.  Well…most people haven’t seen Wonderwoman and Batman and his butt-boy Robin trying to sell you cereal.

It’s happens to the best of us.

But eventually we all need to sit down and realize: “Great Scots! Maybe insteal of  trying to sell cereal I should be beating the shit out of the Joker!” That day comes for all of us.  It’s a day a enlightenment. The day you realize your true purpose in life:  To divorce your husband and take half of everything he’s got.  (Metaphorically Speaking)

Your husband has all these cool gadgets.  A batmobile, a batcave will cool computers….and what do you have?  Nothing.  Just a dumb Robin suit.  You think to yourself day after day while you’re brushing your teeth, shaving your legs, sweeping the floor…“I should have made him sign a pre-nup!”  

Unfotunately you never did convince him to sign that damn piece of paper…because he thought he was soooo smart after listening to that “Goldigger” song by Kayne West.  You know the one I’m talking about “We want pre-nup, we want pre-nup.”  

Yeah…you never signed a pre-nup…and after getting married to the Bat-bastard you’ve realized he’s a total slob.  He never cleans up after himself. He never cooks.  He just expects Alfred to do everything.  And you hate this guy Alfred because he actually gets paid.  You….you don’t get squat but your stupid red and yellow robin suit.  And you have a sneaking suspicion that even though you haven’t told anyone but Alfred and Commissioner Gordon….people think that you’re gay.
“Holy Gaydar Batman….how do they know?”
 They know Robin because you’re a little bitch.  You’ve never done anything in life to better yourself.  Oh, except for being a sideshow freak from the circus….but things are gonna change I can feel it…I’m gonna divorce batman and take all his money.  And I’m going to do it with…
“A Postnuptial Agreement Bettie. What’s that? It’s just like a pre-nup, but you do it after the dumb boy marries you.”
That’s right kiddos.  A post-nup.  It’s every rich man’s nightmare.  Don’t tell your wife about this blog: http://www.thescareletnumbers.com
because I’ve “heard through the grapevine” that there’s a blog ALL about postnuptial agreements.  And YOU just happen to be reading that blog riiiight about now.
 
“What is a postnuptial agreement?”  
That’s a good question.  And I have a good answer. I don’t know.  So let’s look it up on Wikipedia: A postnuptial agreement is a written contract executed after a couple gets married, or have entered a civil union, to settle the couple’s affairs and assets in the event of aseparation or divorce.
In other words: Woman want your money.  And they want it NOW!!!
Most people think that the absence of a pre-marital agreement and hearing commission Gordon utter the words”you may kiss the bride” means that you have lost your darn chance to make an agreement with your spouse concerning a variety of marital issues….however they are wrong.  Dead wrong.  Sorry Kanye….
YOU can get your greedy paws into your husbands bank account if you hire a lawyer and do what 50% of American women do best: SUE THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR HUSBANDS.  That’s right.  The day has come and you’ve decided to divorce his lazy, fat, potatoe-eating sloppy ass…and you’ve finally decided to do this because you’ve FINALLY leaned about postnuptial agreements.
Here’s what you need to know:
Once you’ve hired your lawyer she’s going to write out your “postnuptial agreement” which is basically a bunch of jibber-jabber that you know damn well your husband won’t have the attention span to read.  Hopefully this will be the case.  It’s been reported that it’s about 56% harder to get get a postnuptial agreement signed for women who have spouses that like to read.  Don’t let this discourage you.  All you really need is his signature.
STEP #1. 

MANIPULATE YOUR HUSBAND INTO SIGNING THE DOCUMENT

This isn’t as hard as it may sound.  The best time to do it is in the middle of a blowjob just take out the papers and say, “Sign this and I’ll finish.”  In 90% of cases men sign the papers without reading a single word. Be sure that you have clearly articulated your intentions to finish the blow job.  Also make sure that the paperwork saying something in the fine print about “his intentions to change the charcter of property.” Or something along those lines. Make sure that you’ve make it perfect clear and understandable that you are really, really gonna finish the blowjob just as soon as he signs the paperwork.  If he hesitates for a moment, just like your lips.  It works everytime.

 STEP 2: DIVORCE HIS ASS 

Well there you go kiddos.  Enjoy driving your half of the Batmobile, living in your half-of the Batcave, and oh…enjoy half on Bruce Wayne’s mega-millions!  That was easy wasn’t it?  Now go throw that silly Robin suit away…it’s time to start dressing like an extremely rich pimp.  Because now you know everything there is to know about…

Postnuptial Agreements!

(PLEASE SHARE ON GOOGLE+)

LOL.

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Good Morning Gay America, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Postnuptial Agreements: Everything You Need To Know

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