The 10 Best Cereals of All Time

The 10 Best Cereals of All Time#10. Lucky Charms –
They should have made a catchy jingle about how magically delicious each and every bowl  of this wondrous and brilliant coupling of whole grain oats and colorful marshmallows. I could write a thousand  more run on sentences about how much I loved this cereal…but I’ll spare you the headache.
#9. Crispix –
Best eaten with milk and a spoon. I loved this cereal so much I would literally sell my socks for a bowl of this delightfully crunchy cereal. This breakfast champion was the ultimate Underdog of kids favorite breakfast cereals. Who needs a cartoon mascot on the box when you have so much crispiness….so much crunchiness…..enough crunchiness to leave you with an empty sock drawer.
#8. Co-Co Puffs –
Back before the tea-party, Mit Romney, and Charles Manson, there was cocopuffs. This crispity-crunchidee cereal was delicious enough to put any weird looking bird in the loony bin. This is probably the only cereal you can eat while in a straight jacket and still look cool. Everyone is coo-coo for coco puffs!
Who cares if it looks like dog shit….it’s delicious!
#7. Cooooookie Crisp-
Something about this cereal makes you just want to rob a bank wearing a dog suit! This cereal was dangerously delicious. Like bank robbing delicious. Good enough to make your dog forget about his bone and learn how to crack open a safe.
#6. Count Chocula

Back before Vampires became symbols of faggotry…we all traveled through Count Choculas castle eagerly searching for a delicious bowl of Count Chocula’s cereal.

Equipped with nothing but a whip and a couple throwable axes…we fought skeletons who threw their own bones at you…
We fought medusa….

And sometimes we even found a feast of turkey hidden under a random castle brick.

But none of this compared to the delicious choclately taste of Count Chocula and we kicked his ass and ate him for breakfast!

“I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!”That’s right bitch.
#5. Cheetoes

Who doesn’t love eating a bowl of cheetos and bananas in the morning.  The best way to eat cheetos without getting that annoying  orange residue on your fingers is with a bowl and some milk! If you haven’t tried this yet, you don’t know what you’re missing! The best part is drinking the orange milk after the cereal is gone. It’s so good! Come to think of it, I think I’m going to go eat a bowl of Cheetos right now!
#4. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
If you think that drugs have never done anything good for society, I want you to do me a favor.  Go home and take all your Cinnamon Toast Crunch you have stockpiled in your kitchen cabinet…..and burn them.  Seriously.
Burn them.
Because all that Cinnamon Toast Crunch you ate throughout the years..
those three bakers who created them
were reeeeeeeaaaaalllll fucking high on drugs.
We can’t get enough of these three bakers for some reason. They have done wonders for the cinnamon industry which was headed for bankruptcy before these brilliant bakers showed up and gave us magic. Sipping the remaining milk from this cereal is fantastic. It almost gives you the same high as smoking marijuana for the first time.
#3. Captain motherfuckin Crunch
“Oh my gosh…I have no idea what’s going on right now.”
When Captain Crunch discovered America in 1492, he gave us the best cereal we had ever tasted since Cheetos. But on his death bed, Captain Crunch shoved fistfuls of blueberries in his mouth as he spat out his last words….”Crunch-Berries!!! Make theeeem.” no one understood what the fuck he meant at the time. About 100 years later a historian translated his gibberish and the Amazing Crunchberry Legacy began….and still remains to this day.
#2.  Cheerios-

Okay…I’m going to have to go on a little rant here because I love Cherrios…I eat them every morning. Sometimes I eat a bowl before I go to bed…I just love them….

But I fucking hate…I mean HATE honeynut Mother f-n Cherrios….
they are disgusting.
Someone needs to kick this annoying cheerful bee in the nuts so he can
sting something and die already.
Cherrios are awesome.
Honey-nut cherrios suck my non-existant hairy nutsack!
#1.  Kix

Kid tested. Mother-fucking approved by Scarlet.

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
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3 Responses to The 10 Best Cereals of All Time

  1. jeeprs creeprs says:

    Why do co co puffs look like rabbit pellets? I bet if you put them in a bowl side by side you couldn’t tell the difference. Smell, taste or looks.

  2. Alex says:

    What , no Quisp? One of the hardest cereals to come by.

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