A Case of the Monday’s

Hey Peter, check out channel 9!

Let’s talk about privacy without mentioning the FB-word.  Have you ever lived in an apartment?  It sucks if you’re loud like me.  I’m a loud person.  I blast Marilyn Manson at three o’clock in the morning and I play the guitar loudly at ridiculous hours and when I’m having sex, trust me, all the neighbors know.  Let’s just say I’ve got enough noise complaints and had enough encounters with the police to thoroughly know the law.  Here’s a brief list of “the rules” of noise complaints:

  • You’re basically allowed to be as loud as you want in between the hours of 8am-11pm.
  • After 3 noise complaints an apartment can legally evict you.
  • Usually nobody cares how loud you are when you’re having sex, especially if there are more than two females involved.
“My favorite part about living nextdoor to Scarlet?  Her congical vistits.”

There’s no place like home?

After feeling like apartments weren’t giving me enough privacy, I decided to buy a house in the middle of nowhere in a small town in Texas. It seemed like a good idea at the time…but I was wrong.  Dead wrong.

I’ve never lived out of in the middle of nowhere.  Let’s just say when I moved to Nowhereville I definately wasn’t in Kansas anymore.  I lived about an hour away from Dallas and none of my friends ever wanted to hang out with me because they didn’t enjoy “driving to Egypt.”

I’ve always been a relcuse anyway, so I didn’t think it would really bother me to live so far away from all of my friends.  But I realized two months later that it really really sucks not having anyone to just have small meaningless conversations with.

“Could somebody find me an elevator so I can talk about the weather already!!!”

I missed city life.  I’ve never lived in a small town and thought I would enjoy it, but soon realized that small towns and just filled with smalled-minded simple folk who all look at you strange when you tell them that you “work from phone.”

“She worships an evil spirit that she summons from her phone…it’s name is Ebay!”

 Living in Nowheresville was a terrible idea.  I didn’t make a single new friend and felt like my entire “so-called” social life was a thing of the past.  I felt like I was in exhile, rejected from society and cast out into a place where people go to be forgotten.

I decided to use this time of my life to try to better myself as a person. I once read a Stephen King book called, “On Writing.”  and there’s been something from that book that really stuck with me years after reading it.  He said,

“‘If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.’

So I took the advice and started reading every unfinished book that I had in my closet.  I read all day every day for months and finished about 30-40 books that I had “always wanted to finish.”

 I realized a lot a new things about myself during this period.  Most of all, I realized a lot of these books weren’s as cool as I had imagined them.  When I finally read the enntire “Vampire Chronicles”  I realized these books weren’t as violent and adventurous as I had always imagined.  Don’t get me wong, I believe they are good books, they just weren’t “what I thought they would be.”  Let me do a quick overview of the whole series:

  • Interview with a Vampire: This book is dull.  It’s boring and I think it’s pretty overrated.  I believe the only reason it ever became so popular is due to it’s far more interesting sequels.  Tom Cruise probably made the worst career decison of his life when he decided not do make anymore of these movies because “they were too dark.”  He actually played Lestast really well.
“Tell your Vampire friend to lose the wristband!!!”
  • The Vampire Lestat –  This book is great.  It’s worth reading multiple times. I’d say this is probably the best book in the series.
“Sorry everyone…no movie for ‘The Vampire Lestat.’  It’s too dark for me. I’d rather make movies like “Mission Impossible, Jerry Maguire, and Eyes Wide Shut.”   
The Queen of the Damned –  I enjoyed this book however thought it was too long.  The movie “Queen of the Damned”  seems to be less about this more and more about “The Vampire Lestat.” It’s almost like two books in one movie.  But this book goes far deeper into the mind and thoughts of Akasha “The Queen of all Vampires.”
“Why you no care about the reasons why I hate men?”
It explains her actions in more elaborate detail than just a few whispers intoLestat’s ears while in a bathtub full of r oses.
“I’m not sure what I’m enjoying more…this handjob or this Deftones song.”
 The Tale of the Body Theif –  This is a REALLY good book.  It deals with Lestat who is sick of immortality and wants to be human again.  He finds someone who offers who “switch bodies” temporarily just for 48 hours or something…if you want to know what happens after that read the title of the book again.  There’s a lot of FUNNY  scenerios in this book when Lestat gets his new body and does “human” things that he hasn’t done in hundreds of years. Notably, he goes on and one about how “disgusting” it was to take a shit for the first time in ages.
“Tale of the Body Theif was a great book.  Did you get that memo?”
 Memnoch the Devil:  I don’t think this book belongs to be in “The Vampire Chronicles” it’s more of a book about religion.  Anne Rice is basicaly voicing her own doubts on Christiantiy through the voice of Memnoch.  The story retells the story of Lucifer’s “fall from Heaven” from a different perpective.  It portrays Memnoch as a “caring angel”  who blames God for the sins of humanity.  All of the dialouge in this book is beautifully written and asks questions that we all sometimes ponder about when thinking skeptically about religion.  The best part of the book by far is when Memnoch is talking to God in the desert and you suddenly realize that Anne Rice is writing the unwritten dialogue between Jesus and the Devil when Jesus went into the desert and was tempted for 40 days and 40 nights.
“Hey, this book isn’t so bad!”
The Vampire Armand: This book sucks.  It’s boring.  Anne Rice is basically doing the same thing she always does – writing five pages about an event that should have been a paragraph and a book that should have been merely a chapter.  The Vampire Armand is basically the complete opposite of Lestast.  He’s a gay Vampire who takes you through his uninteresting past that you will soon wish you could forget in fear of dying of bored. Two thumbs down on this one and if I were Goro…all my thumbs would be down.
“Just finished reading ‘The Vampire Armand.  I give it four thumbs down.”
Merrick-  I cannot even speak of this book.  It’s so bad that I’ll just get angry and end up breaking something.  Don’t read it.  Don’t even think about reading it.  You will forever be cursed with eternal boredom.

“What the HELL were you thinking Anne!”
“Thinking? What is that?”
I read one more book after trying to forget that Merrick had ever happened…but things just weren’t the same.  Blood and Gold was basically just another Lestat wannabe.  He was cooler than Armand but not as cool as Lestat and I suddenly felt myself just wanting to go back and read “The Vampire Lestat” again.  There’s still two books in the series that I haven’t read:
  • Blackwood Farm
  • Blood Canicle
I really have no desire to read these because well…I guess I just got a little burnt out on Anne Rice.  After the Passion of the Christ Anne Rice went completely Jesus-crazy and became a born again Christian deciding to “only write about Jesus.”

“Passion of the Shitty Books”

However, we’ve already all know the story of Jesus, this is basically just a sad attempt for Anne Rice to appeal to a larger “christian” audience.  Anne Rice later renounced her “Born-Again Christian” status after denouncing Christians for their renounciations of homosexuality and other liberal issues. Overall, I think Anne Rice is a great author, and I hope to be as sucessful as she is one day.

I read sooo many other books it would take a few more blogs to talk about them all.  So I’m going to have to continue this one.  The reading that I did in Nowheresville has definately made me a better writer and a better reader.  However, the isolation that I put myself through makes me feel like I missed out on some of the most important things in life.  We all need human interaction, whether we like it or not.  Without it we just go crazy and write lame blogs about John Edwards that aren’t funny and don’t even make any sense.

“Yep.  When Scarlet moved away…

my days of listening to two girls at the same time were over.”

Living alone has it ‘s upsides and downsides, but one thing is for sure:  When you don’t have anyone on the other side of the wall who can hear your every move, you won’t ever get any “heads-up”  when the breast exams are on Channel 9.

And that my friends, is a crying shame.

Have a good week everyone.  Watch out for your cornholes.


About thescarletnumbers

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9 Responses to A Case of the Monday’s

  1. extremelyavg says:

    You recently did a post about your top 10 and bottom 10. Not that I get a vote, but I put this one at number one. “I realized two months later that it really really sucks not having anyone to just have small meaningless conversations with.” This bit nearly broke my heart.

    I love your writing and I’m sure Anne Rice is looking over he shoulder, as we speak.

  2. John Kirkby says:

    Thanks to you I need not bother reading any of them now. At least people still are reading. 8-15 years ago some thought that with the WWW, ever growing gaming industries, mindless TV entertainment, etc that most people would pretty much quit reading books. Well probably a lot don’t,…but many still do.

  3. Ed Lozano says:

    I concur with extremelyavg. This is one
    of your best blog entries, yet.
    You have your ‘mojo’ back!

    This could be the idea…stick to one subject, i.e. Anne Rice, and MACK on it!

    Like A Boss!

  4. “none of my friends ever wanted to hang out with me because they didn’t enjoy “driving to Egypt.” hahahaha…laughed like crazy..hilarious post

  5. Pingback: Welcome to The Scarlet Numbers! | thescarletnumbers

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