LinkedIn (the butt) Is your Password Safe?

The Scarlet Numbers 6.6.12

Hello world.  Let’s talk about safety, privacy, and butts again without saying the F-world.  How safe do you think you are when you’re online?  Let’s took a look at some dangerous scenerios….

Dangerous Situation #1: 

Putting Your Head In

A Crocodile’s Mouth:

“Dangerous…pssshhh….that’s a croc of sh**.”

Danger Level:  5/10

Risks Involved: Becoming Headless

Chances of Survival: 1/15

Putting your head in a crocodiles mouth is actually not very dangerous.

Just make sure you don’t lose your head!

But how dangerous it is?

(Kinda-Sorta Dangerous.)

As long as the Crocodile doesn’t bite your head entirely off, you’ll be fine.

Dangerous Situation #2:  

Tied Up & Run Over By a Train 

“I’m on the right track baby I was……ahhhhhh!!!!!”

Danger Level 3/10

Risks Involved: Being Cut In Half

 Chances of Survival: 50/50

The chances of dying from this are actually slim as long as you’re wearing a short skirt and your panties are showing.  Trust me.  The chances are someone will save you

How dangerous is it?

Semi-Dangerous. (As long as you’re semi-clothed.)

Dangerous Situation #3. 

Getting Left Behind While On A Space Misson 

“You guys are assssholes!!!!”

 Danger Level: 8/10

Risks Involved: 

Lack of Oxygen

Being Eat By Strange and Deadly Aliens

And Having No Toliet Paper

Chances of Survival:  9/10

 Chances of Survial Without Toilet Paper: 0/10

If you’ve ever been left behind while you’re on a space mission, trust me, you’re not going to have any fun.  It’s about as much fun as having to rewatch Batman Begins just to get yourself prepared for The Dark Knight Rises.  

All of these things look pretty freaking dangerous….

But are they more dangerous than surfing the web?

“Whoooaaa….I’m totally balls deep in this wave man!”

Hey everybody look!  It’s Barney!  And he’s here to talk about your safety on the Internet. 

Question:

How Safe is YOUR password?  

“I don’t fucking know!!!”

If you have a penis or a vagina…the chances are you probably have a password of some kind and if you have a password, the chances are there’s a creepy man who’s wearing a ski-mask who is trying to figure it out.

“Tubgirl….damnit….I thought I had it!”

These creeping ski-mask wearing men will do anything…and I mean ANYTHING to figure out your password online.  Trust me.  He will go through the entire dictionary just to be able to read your secrect diary that you thought no one would ever read.

How safe if you’re password?

Don’t be like this guy or girl…or whatever it is…

He or she didn’t have a very secure password the his or her personal information was soon comprised by someone who was obsessed with him/her.

Now, you’re probably wondering…

How can I protect my pussy from being viewed online by millions?

 That’s a good question and I have a good answer.  Use a secure password.

Meet Tina.

 

She takes thousands of pictures of her vagina each day.  But she doesn’t have to worry about anyone looking at them.  Why?  Because Tina knows how to create a:

SECURE PASSWORD. 

Remember: A Secure Password is A Secure Pussy.

What in the flying f*** is a secure password thingy?

  • Variety – Don’t use the same password on all the sites you visit.
  • Don’t use a word from the dictionary.
  • Length – Select strong passwords that can’t easily be guessed with 10 or more characters.
  • Think of a meaningful phrase, song or quote and turn it into a complex password using the first letter of each word.
  • Complexity – Randomly add capital letters, punctuation or symbols.
  • Substitute numbers for letters that look similar (for example, substitute “0″ for “o” or “3″ for “E”.
  • Never give your password to others or write it down.

Did you know that most people use the same passwords for everything?

“How did they figure out my password was ‘yes we can’?”

 Most people use obvious passwords.  They use the name of the pets, the middle names, sometimes people are even stupid enough to make their password “password.”

Don’t be stupid.

“If you use the same password for everything, then soon you’re going to find yourself in a lot of trouble….just think…..I someone figures out ONE of your passwords they could potientially figure out all of them….and that means….

Your F***book password…

G*****plus Password…

“I hacked your G+ Account! Whoohoo!!!!”

L*****In Password…

LOLZ.

Your World Of Warcraft Password


“Damnit….nothing here but trash loot…”

P**terest Password…

“Dis muthfucca…just ‘liking’ dis handbag with dis hacccked account beotch.”

Your Mothers Craig*list

Password….

“What the fuuu…..”

Your P*yp*al Password….

“Where the f*** did all my money go?”

Meanwhile…

“Where am I….it’s dark in here…I’m scared!!!” 

The woman who hacked this child’s Paypal account….

Is Tebowing….

“Yesss….finally…I can quit my job and relax at home.”

AND….

The Password for you Bank Account!!!!
See this face?
It’s not what you’d call an “O” face.
It’s more like a “Home A-LOne” face.
Don’t let unsecure passwords happen to you.

Did you hear about LinkedIn?

They just got totally pwned by Russian hackers who hacked and stole 6.5 million of their users passwords.  I’m sooooooo glad that I don’t have a LinkedIn profile especially because these passwords were stolen by russians…yuck….

This guy this blue guy in the middle is about to get raped by ten blue Russians surrounding him.  Do you know why?  Because he uses LinkedIn. That’s why.

Remember when the Playstation Network was hacked?

This was a pretty scary situation.  It was waaaay worse than the LinkedIn situation that I just refrenced above that happend juuuust about a year ago.  In this scenerio 77 MILLION USERS got their credit card infomation compromised.

See her face?  That’s what I like to call “Playstation Face”

It’s the face that you make when you’re getting f***ed up the butt.

When’s the last time that you’ve made a “Playstation Face?”

How much personal data do you have up the net?  If someone where able to acquire all of your passwords, how badly could they completely screw up your life?

Do you feel safe where you’re on the internet?  Is that Internet safe at all?

Let’s ask our friend….

Robbie the Rubber….

 “Is it safe?  Aboslutely!”

 “Bitch…please.”

Be safe everyone.  Use a secure password.

Trust me.

No one wants to see your “Playstation Face.”

-Scarlet

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Dumb Websites, Rants and Raves and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to LinkedIn (the butt) Is your Password Safe?

  1. FishyGov says:

    I think I’ll change my password, “password” to “password2”. Let’s see I can do that for seven days and then go back down the scale to “password”.

    There! Just try to break that encryption.

  2. John Kirkby says:

    Good article…nice pics including the chastity belt. Barney though…
    Supposedly lots of people really do use 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8….8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1…a.b.c.d.e.f.g….password, etc
    Complicated long passwords can easily be kept on hand in a document file to be simply copied and pasted when needed, with a note/title as to what each one is for. And you can keep another copy of them in a physical notebook just in case of HD failure or other big problem.

  3. twizzlefiles says:

    Any blog that begins with that ass…and ends with “bitch…please” is a guaranteed to be a hit, trust me

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