It’s Snot Funny Pt. 1/2

The Scarlet Numbers

Hello world. Tonight I feel bad because I’ve offended one of my only female readers with Mindless Self Indulgent humor that NOONE thought was funny, except me, and it seems that I have ALIENATED my own audience. I’ve been a bonehead…

That’s me in the corner…that’s me in the spotlight

The truth is I’m out-of-this world weird. I laugh at things that no one else does. Does this show a lack of morality? Yeah maybe. Perhaps I just don’t take anything seriously. But lthough I feel like an alien, I’ve never walked around with a giant cone on my head so I really don’t know what it feels like to be in the background of an REM video…some things I might say are inside jokes directly at mostly a male audience because realistically the only reason anyone is looking at this site is because they googled “perfect vagina” And – telling an extremely offensive joke will definately – definately scare away everyone….but it was funny…riiight?

Negative Ghostrider.

In case you aren’t in my G+ crew…I posted an offensive picture that everyone hated..

.because it was tasteless and everyone mutually said, “That’s not funny.” The picture branched off of something around the lines of this:

No one wants to think about what this guy wants to do with you in a dark alley….most of us…but is it okay to describe exactly what he wants to do in graphic detail if there’s a funny punchline attached at the end?

Who authorizes what’s funny and what isn’t funny?

How is it not funny if it made me laugh?

“Hide yo kids….hide yo wife…”

I’ve mentioned numerous times that I don’t want to censor myself. With this “anything goes” philosophy it is envitable that one bad joke will leave me 5 minutes alone wondering….

“Was it something I said?!!!?”

Obviously things like this are not funny to 99% of all people. Aside from politics and religion there is a million other subjects that will turn off, offend, and just downright make people hate you for trying to associate that particular subject with humor.

But isn’t humor the best medicene? Or is it merely something over the counter that anyone can buy at a local CVS? When a joke falls flat sometimes you really feel like your need to get your “sister” act together…


Humor is different for everyone. A whoopie cushion is the funniest thing to a 5 year old kid. But Whoopie Goldberg probably hates those things more than anything in the world. Just imagine how many whoopie cushions she’s probably sat on throughout her entire life. It’s probably a reaaaallly touchy subject for her.

“A touchy subject? Count me out!”

I don’t want to “cushion” myself from not being offensive but at the same time I don’t want to BE offensive…when my blog is shared with a giant “WARNING” sticker over it I feel like a useless, worthless, “blogger” rather than a real person. The reason my material sometimes is edgy because I want to do what I want to do. Comedy is a one-way street and if you don’t choose your final destination you’re just going to run straight into…”The fork in the road…”


Why do I feel like Fozzie would be the first Muppet to stand up on stage and tell a “Rape Joke” that no one liked. Probably because it’s just in his nature. He’s Fozzy. He tells bad jokes, that’s just part of his character.

Fozzie has no “roadmap” to “Funnyville” where the Funnies grow on Funny-Trees.


One of my biggest weaknessess is being too accepting of people.I’ll find myself hanging out with anyone and everyone just because I’m just not a very “likeable” person in general at all. The more anyone gets to “know” me the more they will realize that I’m “pretty on the outside” but on the inside….

I need to get a little work done….

The truth is some people are just Jackasses…no matter how much you beg them to make Ghostbusters 3 they just won’t do it. Everyone would love you if you just make that ONE freaking sequel but…nooooo….

Have YOU ever offended anyone? It sucks.

When I wake up I’m going to write about a really interesting documentary that I watched last night that really inspired me to start writing again. The movie is basically based off a REALLY horrible movie that everyone hated. And it drove the main character – Jamie Kennedy – literally crazy because HE thought it was funny but no one else did…has anyone seen the documentary “Heckler”

It’s a very inspiring movie…so inspiring it deserves a blog of its own…

I just wanted to say before I sleep tonight that I’m sorry if I offended anyone. I was only trying to make people laugh…


About thescarletnumbers

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4 Responses to It’s Snot Funny Pt. 1/2

  1. FishyGov says:

    Scar, writing for your audience is a Coneheaded move. If your readers don’t have a sense for senseless humor then they shouldn’t cum here. Remember, Lenny Bruce got arrested multiple times for obscenity just so you could express yourself freely…and post necked self-portraits on your site.

    If your readers don’t like it fuck ’em. I don’t like it. You can reach me at the following address @FishyGov. Thursdays would be the best time for face 2 face contact or face 2…;-)

  2. a bit scary but intrsting nice one keep it up dear

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