10 Comedians Who Suck At Making Movies…

The Scarlet Numbers – 6.17.12

Some stand up comedians are great at making movies.  Jim Carrey for example just can’t seem to touch anything that doesn’t automatically become GOLD.  He is the Oprah Winfrey of Stand-Up Comics becoming Moviestars.

However, some funny comics just can’t seem to get their big break.  They’re funny pretty much everywhere except the big screen.  Before I begin let me just say just because I’m about to totally make fun of all these comics doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t like them.  A lot of these people are good “comedians.” But being a comedian doesn’t make you invulnerable to box office posion…some of these people were never good at making movies, some of these people have had a few movies that have made them a lot less popular…but they’re all funny.  If somebody sucks…I won’t write about them.  They’re not worth my time.

#10. Eddie Murphy 

I simply cannot make fun of Eddie Murphy at all just out of respect.  His older standup is some of the best standup that I’ve ever seen.  Growing up “delirious” was the funniest thing that I had ever seen.  Poor Eddie….the only thing he can contribute to movies these days just makes him look like a jackass………get it?

#9. Rob Schneider

 Poor Rob Schneider…he was SOOOOOOOOOOOO funny on Saturday night live.  He should have NEVER made those Duece Biggalo movies.  They were funny…but they completely ruined his entire image.  😦  It makes me so sad because Rob Schneider is so funny.  I wish that more people would support this guy.  He’s funny enough and smart enough to actually have potential to make a lot funnier stuff.

#8. Jamie Kennedy 

Okay, since I know Jamie Kennedy Google’s his name, I know he’ll be reading this.  So let me try to give him some insight….

This is Gallagher. Consider of the TOP 100 Stand-ups of all time.

Guess how many crappy movies he has made?  Zero.  And Gallagher has made a crap load of movies…..

Comedy specials

  • An Uncensored Evening (1980)
  • Mad as Hell/Two Real (1981)
  • Totally New (1982)
  • Stuck in the Sixties (1983)
  • The Maddest (1983)
  • Melon Crazy (1984)
  • Over Your Head (1984)
  • The Bookkeeper (1985)
  • The Messiest (1986) — contains clips from previous specials
  • Overboard (1987)
  • We Need a Hero (1992)
  • Smashing Cheeseheads (1997)
  • Messin’ Up Texas (1998)
  • Sledge-O-Matic.com (2000)
  • Tropic of Gallagher (2007)

 What do these movies all have in common?

They are movies that involved STAND UP COMEDY.

Some stand ups are REALLY good at stand up and funny enough to make a successful movie.  Take Bill Mahr for example:

So much smarter & funnier than anyone I’ll mention in this blog.

  Everything he touches is funny.

Carlos Mencia…not so much.

Jamie Kennedy…not so much.

#7. CARROT TOP 

WATCH THIS 3 MINUTE VIDEO OF NORM MACDONALD ON CONAN TRASH CARROT TOP’S MOVIE 

 Norm Macdonald is a GOOD comedian.  I just watched one of his stand ups the other night.  And he’s good on the bigscreen too….in fact he’s in my favorite comedy of all time “Bill Madison.”

This was a great one. Norm is at the top of his game unlike…..

6. FUCKFACE McFUCK

Bad Comedian. Bad actor. Bad everything.

5. Dana Carvey 

Dana Carvey is hilarious.  He was on SNL during my favorite years in the 90’s.  His stand-up is HILARIOUS.  However, he just hasn’t seemed to have any luck at the box office.  I’ve actually never seen this movie so I can’t really say anything about it.  Knowing me, I’d probably love this one….lol.

4. Robin Williams 

Okay, here’s an example of how ONE bad movie WON’T destroy your entire career. Robin Williams doesn’t deserve to be on this list at all because he’s great at making movies….HOWEVER…..I wanted to point out that I don’t like his standup.  Since I don’t want to make a whole other blog…I thought I’d just say for all the Dana Carvey’s, Rob Schneiders, and Carrot Tops….it’s never too late to turn yourself around and change your act.  Robin Williams has been everything from Alladdin to Peter Pan. However, his stand up sucks balls in my opinion, so I have no idea why I’m putting him on this list.

 3.  Mike Myers 

However, 1 or two bad movies in a row can TOTALLY RUIN EVERYTHING. Here’s an actor who has made dozens of great movies…and then suddenly fell off the face of the earth…

No Austin Powers 4 for you….at least not yet Mr. Meyers…

2. Adam Sandler 

Take a fucking break Adam geez….don’t get me wrong I loved your TWO GOOD MOVIES.  (Okay, I take that back, I like all of Adam Sandler’s movies…but enough is enough…Adam should pass the torch on to Rob Schneider or Kevin Neilan…give them some time in the spotlight.)

1. Tom Cruise 

Tom Cruise looks more like a rockstar than a stand up comedian when he does standup.  However his movies SUCK.  Just look at how cool he looks here in his 1981 Special “I AM TOM CRUISE”

“I AM TOM CRUISE.”

Anyway yeah.  I could write a novel about how much I loved Tom Cruise’s early stand-up days before he decided to be a “movie-star” and completely ruin his career.

Thanks for reading! Share this on Google Plus if you liked it!

Mwah

-Scarlet

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in Movies, New Blogs, Rants and Raves, Top 10. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 10 Comedians Who Suck At Making Movies…

  1. FishyGov says:

    There’s something scien…scien…strange about Cruise. While I really like to watch his movies once, I have no interest in repeating the experience. Some movies, I won’t mention here — Star Wars, Star Trek, A League of Their Own, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Silverado, The Maltese Falcon, Big Trouble in Little China and almost everything staring or directed by Clint Eastwood I view multiple times (20-30). OMG, I should probably throw out my TVs this very second.

    The Tom Cruise exception is Risky Business., but I don’t know WHY and I only watched it three times.

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