R.I.P. Larry King

Larry King dead at 47…

The Scarlet Numbers 6.17.12

Los Angeles (TSN) — Larry King, whose beating by Los Angeles police in 1991 was caught on camera and sparked riots after the acquittal of the four officers involved, was found dead in his swimming pool Sunday, authorities and his fiancée said.

He was 47.

No Shoe Left Behind…

After the 1991 beating of Larry King by multiple Shoe Enthusiasts, Payless Shoe Source was looted by thousands of crazed Shoe Enthusiasts.  Payless Shoe Source had to literally re-stock their entire store...the entire freaking thing. 
“It was TOTAL chaos. They stole all our Nike Air Force 180 Pumps, Converse Aero Jets, and Reebok Pumps!  Damn those shoe-collecting enthusiasts! Damn them straight to hell!” 
                                           – Annonomyous Source from Payless Shoe Source

World War Shoe…

“Mah Reeboks! Noooo!!!! Damn shoooe! Damn Shoooe Straight to Hell!”

After Larry King was beaten to a merciless pulp, enraged police officers began igniting fires all over Los Angeles Shoe Parts Centers…

“Don’t Shoe Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me….”

 Andrew the Asian knows about this first hand after his liquor store “Hong Kong Liquor” was burned to the ground by what the described as “Honkey Tonks.”

“These senseless acts of pyromania need to stop….”

Police in Rialto, California, received a 911 call from King’s fiancée, Cynthia Kelly, about 5:25 a.m., said Capt. Randy De Anda. Responding officers found King at the bottom of the pool, removed him and performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation until paramedics arrived. He was pronounced dead at a local hospital, police said.

Larry King’s Smoking Hot Wife Warns Others About the Dangers of Drinking & Playing Marco Polo

“We were just playing an innocent game of nude Marco Polo at 4 AM in the morning. I screamed Marco…but he never yelled Polo back.  Then I screamed Marco again….still no Polo.  And then I screamed, “FISH OUT OF WATER!!!” But there was just no response. I was like, “Where the fuck are you Rodney? The Marco Polo Rulebook clearly states that you’re not allowed to stay at the bottom of the pool for over thirty five to forty minutes! It’s Not in the Rulebook! Larry King is a cheater at Marco Polo! A dirty, lying, stinking cheater!”

                                                     -Larry’s Wife

Don’t Shoe Drugs…

Barefoot Shoe-Loving Barbarians Watch Another Shoe Store In Flames
 “It was a chaos. Complete chaos.  This is all Larry King’s fault.” A barefoot shoe-loving barbarian said whos name wasn’t authorized to be released to the media.  “Most of us are stunned to hear the horrible news about Larry King’s Marco Polo Tragedy.  We will continue burning shoe stores until his death is properly justified….with shoes.”
TSN Los Angeles

About thescarletnumbers

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3 Responses to R.I.P. Larry King

  1. rainey says:

    Larry? Really? lol : )

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