Six Things That I Would Do If I Had A Time Machine

The Scarlet Numbers 6.18.12

Hello world.  There’s exactly ten things that I would do if I had a time machine.  Most of us would just go back to the early 90’s and invest in Google.  Other people would go back and try to stop the Simpsons from having more than 3 Seasons.

Not me.  I’d be busier than a rabbit in a carrot factory.

#1. I’d Go Back In Time And See The Dinosaurs 

Hopefully they won’t have English accents or be wearing top hats and riding huge bicycles. I had they look like something straight out of a book from H.P. Lovecraft.

CTHULUSAURUS

Now THIS is a dinosaur that can eat some pussy. I hope he won’t eat the whole thing!

 

Most people would want to get naked and ride the dinosaurs…people like me.  Except I wouldn’t be riding them on their backs…I’d be doing it Reverse Cowgirl.

#2.  I’d Take All The Good World of Warcraft Screen Names 

 On the very first day World of Warcraft was launched I would make a dozen accounts and I’d take all the screen names that I always wished I had like:

  • Facesmasher
  • Puppetfister
  • Kochchewer
  • Babypuncher
  • Faceripper
  • Poodlestomper
  • Eyegasher
  • Donkeyslapper
  • Ovaryeater
  • Zelda
  • Misterrogers
  • Rodneyking
#3. I’d Go Back To The Garden of Eden & Convince Them Apples Are Gross
“Hey Adam, Ima let you finish….I just wanted to say Apples give you Dick Cancer.”
#4. I’d Convince Einstein To Be A Gangster Rapper

I’d call up Einstein and tell him I’m from the future.  I’d say in the future there’s a thing called “Rap” music and you can make millions of dollars by simply rhyming into a micro-phone over a four second beat that repeats 191 times.

Then Einstein will quit his job as a scientist and then try to jumpstart a rap career.  Meanwhile, I’ll steal all his great ideas and turn them into scientific anomalies rather than gangster rap verses.

#5. I’d Create A Popcorn Button On The Microwave That Actually Works

#6. I Would Create The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 

They would look and act the same  except their names would be:

  • Bobby
  • Chadwick
  • Steven
  • Cam

 Thanks for reading!

-Scarlet

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
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4 Responses to Six Things That I Would Do If I Had A Time Machine

  1. Anonymous says:

    Re: ‘I’d say in the future there’s a thing called “Rap” music and you can make millions of dollars by simply rhyming into a micro-phone over a four second beat that repeats 191 times.’….nice description of it. When new I thought it wouldn’t last 5 years…..25 plus years ago…WTH …Recent (past 20 yrs) TV and Pop music lowers the bar to ever lower levels though.

  2. Pingback: Reading Digest: Groening Retires Edition « Dead Homer Society

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