Microsoft Unsurfaces “The Surface” (A Wannabe iPad Look-Alike)

The Scarlet Numbers

Microsoft unveiled proof they are “total Apple-Wannabe’s” Monday when they released a new “iPad Clone.”  TSN interviewed a Microsoft employee early Tueday morning while playing Zygna poker…

“It looks like an iPad…it smells like an iPad….hell….it even tastes like an iPad…..except unlike an iPad you can actually get a virus on this device.”

Sounds like a pretty shitty device, from a shitty company, who makes shitty products. It looks like the truth is surfacing that history actually repeats itself.  First there was the Zune….also known as the stupid piece of plastic that wasn’t sexy, fashionable, or cool in any way whatsoever.

Remember the Zune?

Let’s just say it’s popularity never “Surfaced”

The Zune was a complete failure.  Like a total failure.  Something that you would take home and show to your parents and then get beat with a belt for the rest of the night thus creating your love for beating smacked and tossed around like the worthless sexy whore that you really are…

“You bought a ZUNE instead of an Ipod! Very poor decison…very poor!” 

Remember this…

I didn’t think so.

Microsoft is no different from a bank that’s too big to fail. They just continously come out with toxic products that are more disasterous than hurricane Katrina.  You would have to be a child these days to still use Internet Explorer.

“Sup bitches…I’m a PC.”

Now, I must admit, I’ve never purchased or tried this new “Fadlet” that Suckrosoft has released…because I’m not stupid.  Who the *#%# who be that stupid?  When is the last time Microsoft ever released anything good? 1995?  That sounds about right.

Yep 1995. That sounds about right.  Using a PC is kind of like having sex with everyone you know without using a condom and getting every STD known to mankind.  I cannot count how many PC’s I completely RUINED using Microsoft’s crappy operating system’s year after year after year…until I finally got a decent $2,000 Christmas bonus and purchased a Mac.

And since then I wouldn’t touch Microsoft with a ten foot pole. Honestly, I just feel violated. I feel like Windows gave me Herpes year after year…Microsoft was like the abusive significant other who beat you but for some reason you stay because you think maybe….just maybe they’ll change.

Fortunately there’s a cure to herpes in the computer world….

BUY A MAC.

Buying a mac is essentially an investment in “getting pussy.”  There will be chicks all over you. You’ll be getting laid like a boss with chicks all over you like a horny and lonely hick at a chicken farm.

“Yep…he has a mac.”

The only reason people use Microsoft’s products is because they’re cheap.  It’s like toilet paper and tampons…you use it because it’s convient to purchase in larger quantities.”

“It’s like an oversized ipad, without a home button.”

“Check out the herpes on this bitch…”

Microsoft is obviously trying to make a product that is “popular.” But that’s just not going to happen. Just like all rich people are generally converative and poor people are liberal….poor people use Microsoft and rich people use Apple.

Why doesn’t Microsoft have any brains?

Today’s Scarlet number goes out to Microsoft. The muti-billion dollar company that can’t get anything right.  May God have mercy on your herpe-ridden poor pathetic sorry excuse for something you would normally call “souls.”

-Scarlet

sent from my iphone

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
This entry was posted in New Blogs, Rants and Raves, Tech Review. Bookmark the permalink.

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