Sandusky Guilty in Sex-Abuse Case

The Scarlet Numbers 6.22.12

It’s official: Child sex abuse isn’t cool anymore.  Just ask Jerry Sandusky who was just given 60 years for being an extremely pervy pervert.  He won’t be able to molest another little boy until he’s 120 years old.  May god have mercy on the pool souls that he molests in 2072.

Police lured him into a police car after telling him, “The back seat was filled with young hot horny boys.”  Once in the back seat where there were no boys, police slammed the door shut and yelled, “You just got punk’d!!!”

Found not guilty of bear hug in Penn state shower…

After being found guilty of 45 of out 48 charges, Sandosky walked out of the courthouse in handcuffs looking completely shocked.  “I thought that everybody loved me.” He said, “I also thought it’s okay to fiddle with little boys twiddle’s…” When asked how he feels about his jail sentance Sandosky replied, “I’d cool with it as long as I’m always to have a secrect stash of kidde porn.”

Playgirl scraps 2012 photoshoot…

Sandusky poses for Playgirl Magizene 2012

A spokesperson for Playgirl says they have scratched a recent photo shoot that Sandusky posed for at a local pre-school.  With the tidal wave of pubic opioned against Jerry Sandusky, it’s clear that no one wants to see him naked anymore.

Especially in a pre-school.

Sandusky remembers back in the days when molestation was cool…

“The little boys used to love it.”  Sandosky said, “We would dance around my basement listening to ‘Whoomp there is it’ and before having pillow fights. Oh, and oral sex.  And then we’d watch Alf, I freaking love that show!” 

Sandusky blames rap music…

 “This is all Jay-Z’s fault.” Sandusky said. The former Penn State Coach was awarded the “Pedo Bear Seal of Approval” for giving a record number of handjobs to minors…

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