How to Be A Douchebag Pt. 2 (Buy an Android Phone)

The Scarlet Numbers 7.1.12

Hey douchebags.  Yeah you.  The ones with the Android phones who think you’re sooooo clever because you found the first alternative to the iPhone, “SHUT THE F*CK UP!!! Seriously, no one gives a sh*t about how “cool” your phone is.  We all have cool phones and if we don’t then we don’t give a sh*t about cool phones.  Quit parading around the internet bragging about how smarter you are than “iPhone fanboys” because you’re just another fanboy for a less popular, less sexy phone.

Android Gay Parade

Seriously, I’ve been blogging full time ever since April 19th, 2012 and one thing that I’ve learned is no one gives a flying f*ck about anyone but themselves.  You can’t just expect to buy a “cool looking phone that isn’t sexy” and expect people not to be annoyed when you go on and on about how cool your stupid f*ck non-iphone is.

If the Android were so f*cking miraculous

everyone would have one.

But guess what…

that’s not the case.

So just in CASE you think you’re cool because you have an android let me tell you the truth that you can’t handle:

Just fucking deal with it you Android Assholes

Your phone doesn’t compare to the iPhone and no one with an iPhone is slightly interested about how spectacular you think your phone is.

Just get off the fucking internet already!!!!

Seriuosly though, the Android MIGHT be a really nice phone IF anyone gave a SHIT.  But NOONE does. Just annoying people who can’t afford iphones because they have sh*tty credit and they can’t afford an AT&T contract.  So rather than admit they are complete losers, they buy an Android phone and then they get their rainbow flags and head straight toward the closest gay parade.

THIS right here says something about customer satisfaction, does it not?  If you boycott apple you might want to take a quick look in the mirror before you just on the internet and start complaining because you’re more than likely unhappy with YOURSELF rather than Apple or the iPhone.

Android Loving Cat in Denial About Himself

So seriously…if you have an Android just please shut the f*ck up.  It’s not that you don’t have a “really cool phone that can do really neat tricks.”  You probably do.  It’s just that nobody gives a shit.

This little Boogar Couldn’t Even Fit into this Apple’s Shoes

So go fuck yourselves please.  I’m saying this as politely as possible,  please drive to the closest sex shop, buy the biggest dildo you can find, and please insert it straight into your ass and then into your mouth.  I would greatly appreciate it and so would the rest of the entire freaking internet.

Quit trying to compare yourself as if you’re actually the same thing.  You’re not.  You’re the nerd of phones and only nerds seem to enjoy you.  You’re no different from those rich snobs who refused to initially admit that the iPhone was cooler than a Blackberry.  Remember those things?  Oh coarse you don’t.

Unless you’re a caveman.

“Dis Blackberry isn’t cool anymore.”

Kthanksbye

-Scarlet

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
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3 Responses to How to Be A Douchebag Pt. 2 (Buy an Android Phone)

  1. Anonymous says:

    “of course you don’t”

  2. Anonymous says:

    have you ever used an android? Probably not. So quit your belly aching or cry baby bullshit or whatever this stupid blog that I accedentaly stumbled upon is supposed to be. Youre offended by people saying they like a certain type of phone? You are a dripping wet pussy.

  3. Bad Apple says:

    How to be a douche bag? Just emulate this turkey with his mind flatulence. Low grade cleverness vainly masquerading as intelligence. How to NOT be a douche bag? Buy anything other than Apple.

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