The Scarlet Numbers 8.20.12
Fear and Loathing At McDonalds: Part One
Well, since I was rejected from working a A FUCKING PET STORE because of my violent criminal record, I got desperate and decided to get a job at a place where any degenerate can get a job: McDonalds. I gave them a fake name and worked there for a week. I just quit yesterday and overall I’d have to say this has been a very interesting experience from a journalists perspective. First of all, they didn’t even realize that I gave them a fake name and information. During my orientation I sat right next to two people, one person who has a Class A misdemeanor weapons charge for illegal possession of a firearm and the other guy had a drug charge for attempting to sell marijuana.
Did I mention that McDonald’s is a place for kids?
Welcome to Mcdonalds, wanna buy some illegal guns?
Anyway, I got the job and quit a couple days later. I still haven’t got my first worthless paycheck. The reason I quit is because I couldn’t afford any black shoes and they wouldn’t let me wear anything else.
Anyway here are:
4 Things You Might Not Know About Working At McDonald’s.
Did you know…
McDonalds allows employees to date each other.
However, supervisors aren’t allowed to date non-supervisors, and supervisors aren’t allowed to date other supervisors.
McDonalds doesn’t allow employees to work with their cell phones in their pocket.
If you work at McDonald’s and have a cell phone in your pocket they can and will fire you. They are super anal about cell phones and act like total Nazis forcing you to leave them in your car where they can be easily stolen.
I just couldn’t deal with their ridiculous cell phone policy.
It’s reasonable to say, “Don’t use your cell phone at work.” But it’s ridiculous to say, “Don’t bring your cell phone to work.”
Want to know a job place to break into cars and steal cell phones? McDonalds.
Did you know…
McDonald’s doesn’t ever use direct deposit for their employees checks.
Not even supervisors can have their checks directly deposited. I think this may break some law in some way because if you’re making minimum wage and you have to get your checked cashed, you’re technically making less than minimum wage because there’s no way you can get 100% percent of your check.
Did you know…
McDonald’s actually pays their
employees minimum wage.
Being white and sexy, I thought minimum wage was a myth, but it actually exists. McDonald’s cares so little about their employees that they’re willing to actually pay them minimum wage. Keep in mind that most McDonald’s employees are illegal immigrants who intend to send the money they make back home to Mexico.
I wonder how much business McDonalds would get if all the illegal immigrants who work for McDonalds were immediately fired. That sure seems like a better reason to be fired than for having a cell phone.
Thanks for reading! If you have any questions about my experience working for McDonalds please ask away!