The Top 10 Gutless Little Twerps

The Scarlet Numbers 8.21.12

No one likes a gutless little twerp.  Why do these people exist?  Truth is, they don’t.  They die off like Neanderthals thanks to Darwinism and the sad fact that nobody on earth wants to mate with these poor unfortunate fools.  I’ve decided to make a list of the Top 10 Gutless Little Twerps of All Time….

Here goes:

#10. Joaquin Phoenix –

I just saw “I’m still here” today and I just want to say there is no possible way that Joaquin is acting in this movie. This movie shows his real colors and how much of a loser he is. Joaquin needs to quit being a gutless little twerp and admit that the movie wasn’t a hoax, his music sucks, he thought he could make it in the music business and failed miserably like a little bitch.  He wasn’t “in” character, he was just being himself: A complete douchebag. Unfortunately this will probably never happen because he’s a gutless little twerp.

#9. Piglet –  

Twat a twerp.  Don’t you just want to beat the ****

out of him with something heavy?

#8. Ashlee Simpson

Sorry, Ashlee we still haven’t forgotten about your SNL disaster and you blaming your band afterward rather than admitting that you got caught red handed lip synching. Keep blaming your acid reflux on your horrible singing and enjoy being forgotten you gutless little twerp. You should apologize to your sister Jessica for leeching off of her talent and success.

#7. Kermit the Frog –

Here’s a classic case of a gutless little twerp who gets walks all over by his manly girlfriend because he doesn’t have enough frog-nuts to call her a pig.

#6. Spongebob Squarepants 

Don’t get me wrong, I like Sponge-Bob, but he’s a little twerp and needs to grow some sponge-nuts and get some muscles on those twerpy little arms.

#5. Princess Peach 

Quit getting kidnapped you little twerp.  One of these days a Goomba is going to eat Mario for breakfast and you’re going to be f***ed.

#4. Flounder

What. A. Guppy. This guys needs to grow some serious fish balls and man the fuck up. Seriously.

#3. Eeyore 

What. A. Pussy.

#2. Mike Tyson

Hey doucheface… If you’re about to lose a fight, don’t bite off your opponents ear you gutless little twerp!

#1. Kip

Kip is probably one of the biggest gutless little twerps of all time. Everything that he ever does is just wimpy and feminine. If he’s not getting pregnant, he’s usually whining and sighing like a little bitch. This guy seriously needs to man up.

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6 Responses to The Top 10 Gutless Little Twerps

  1. haha nice. Especially Mr. (Ms.) Phoenix. I’ve not seen his ‘movie’ and have no real plans to.

    • I enjoyed it. However, it’s obvious he had watched Borat and Bruno one too many times and thought he could make something similar. I don’t believe for a second that he was acting, he really wanted to start a career in music and it blew up in his face

  2. Tish says:

    Why not have two categories one for animation and another for non? I’d like to see who else you call out other than cartoons. lol

  3. Pingback: Top 10 Gutless Little Twerps: Part Two | thescarletnumbers

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