Top 10 Gutless Little Twerps: Part Two

The Scarlet Numbers 8.21.12

By request I’ve been asked to make another blog with a list of Gutless Little Twerps.  This one however will no have any cartoon characters.  I apologize for any inconvenience  that this may cause for you or your immediate family…

#10.  Todd Akin 

This guy was a no-show the day before yesterday when he was supposed to appear on Piers Morgan.  (This video is actually what inspired me to write my first blog in this series because at the end of the piece Piers Morgan calls Todd Akin a “gutless little twerp.)  It obvious why he chickened out of the interview, I mean….this guy is probably the most talked about man in America at the moment.  What he SHOULD have done, was go in and clarify his statement.  However, the interview was obviously going to be a huge smear campaign and he was probably told by his advisors not to attend.  This was probably a good political decision, however, that doesn’t give him a get out of jail free pass, he’s a gutless little twerp for not attending the interview.  When a man says that he’s going to be somewhere at a particular time, he should hold up to his word rather than be a complete chicken about the whole situation.

Today even Romney encouraged Akin to drop out of the race…but apparently according to this video right here, Akin has no intentions to drop out and the deadline has already passed so he’s staying.  What. A. Gutless. Little. Twerp.

#9.  Mark Zuckerburg 

He’s been silent since the IPO started.  And silent as it failed.  Mark Zuckerberg is a classic example of a gutless little twerp. From it’s initial offering which began at $38 to Friday’s closing price of 19.07 a share, Facebook is worth half of it’s estimated value.  The good news is, the biggest loser in this Facebook fiasco is Zuckerberg himself who was lost 9 BILLION DOLLARS so far…lol.  Wow.

I’ve blogged and blogged and blogged about Facebook’s privacy issues. And while Facebook apparently didn’t think it would make much of a difference, it has.  No one wants their face scanned by Facebook’s machines and no one wants their personal information being used to marketers over the web.  The entire concept of Facebook being a profitable company is nothing but a pipe dream and whoever made up this $38 a share original price must have been smoking crack.  All Facebook is, is a cloak of deception and they are CRAZY if they think they’ll actually be able to turn Facebook into a long lasting profitable company that doesn’t go under in less than five years.

Crack is bad for you.

Very bad.

#8.  Obama

Want to know the truth about Obama? The story of where he was born has different answers that depend upon who’s asking.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those “birthers”  those people are crazy and completely idiotic, however, Obama himself has been known to tell certain people that he was born in Kenya rather than Hawaii.  Who?  Yep, you guess it…

 Haaaaarvard University.

Have fun trying to dig up Obama’s college records.  They’re completely sealed and will never be revealed publicly.  Obama has jump through flaming hoops to make sure no one sees it….why?  Because he lied about his birthplace on his college application.  He knows it, Harvard knows it, and know you know it. Obama needs to stop acting like a Gutless Little Twerp about this issue and admit that he lied on his college application.  The public deserves to know the truth about how Obama got his education and whether he was accepted into Harvard based off of a lie.

#7. Romney 

Quit cutting that pig and release the past ten years of your tax returns you gutless little twerp.  WE ALL KNOW YOU’RE HIDING SOMETHING.

#6. Dave Chappelle

 Here’s a classic case of someone who acted like a complete gutless little twerp at the prime of his career.  Okay, we all know that Chappelle “wanted to do other things with his career” however…HE HAS HIS OWN SHOW.  Whatever he wanted to do with his career he could have done it right then and right there.  If I’m not mistaken the show after all was called, “The Chappelle Show.”  I’m not 100% sure about how much creative input he had, but it wouldn’t take me but five minutes to look it up and find out that he probably had 100% creative control?  Am I right?  I bet I am, I’m too lazy right now to look it up, but I’m pretty sure that I’m right on target on this one.

“I’m rich biatch.”

One of the very many gutless reasons that Chappelle had for quitting his show was that “he hated having to walk down the street and have people yelling, ‘I’m rich biatch.”  Well Dave, if you would have stuck with it, people would have moved on and forgot about it.  I’m sure that if I would have been cool about it and told his fans that he didn’t like when people yelled it, his fans would have enough respect for him to stop yelling it.   If anything, Dave Chappelle should have just taken a break and came back a couple months after he cooled off and stopped freaking out so much.  Instead he just acted like a gutless little twerp and just ran away to Africa.  What a shame, his show was awesome.

#5. Seinfeld 

Douche.

#4. The China & Indonesia

 Badminton Riggers


So you want to watch the Olympics.  You buy your ticket, you go to London and you sit in the stands to watch the best Badminton players in the world….only to learn that both sides are intentionally trying to lose.  What a bunch of Gutless Little Twerps!  Someone should gut these players like a fish!

But were the rules impractical to begin with?  This is similar to the Sumo-Wrestlers in the movie Freak-a-nomics who were intentionally letting each other win to prevent each other from being disqualified.  If both sides don’t have a practical reason to win, why should they try?  This is the problem, they have no incentive.  In this Badminton case, both sides would have benefited from losing.  So should we blame them for their actions?

Players should ALWAYS be playing their best in all scenerios, just for the fan’s sake.  No one wants to just sit around and watch pro-players intentionally fail. However, maybe it’s time to take better look at the rules and make sure that the players always have the incentive to WANT to win.  Otherwise, they’re just going to act like a bunch of gutless little twerps in front of the whole world.

#3. Billy Corgan 

Have you ever wondered why Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins shaved his head?  Look at the picture above, it explains it all.  He was balding in the first place but instead of being a man and buying some Rogaine like a normal human being he totally went Last-Of-The-Mohicans on all of us.  If you ask me…this is the move of a gutless-little-twerp who is afraid of being made fun of rather than being a real man and just….be a man….men lose their hair…it’s a normal thing….you don’t have to act like you’re not a human being.

Trust me Billy, women would rather see a receding hairline, hell even a giant bald spot rather than a head that is an ENTIRE bald spot.  Billy Corgan likes to think that after Mellon Collie “he’s intentionally avoided the public-eye”  however the truth is, THE PUBLIC EYE DOESN’T WANT TO LOOK AT A HEAD THAT LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD COOK IT AND EAT IT WITH BACON. Be a man Billy and stop shaving your head like a little prison bitch.  Your hairstyle for the past decade has been the hairstyle of a Gutless Little Twerp.

#2. Michael Moore 

Ironically yes I have mentioned Sumo Wrestlers and Michael Moore in a blog called Gutless little twerps.  But these people belong on the list, especially Michael Moore who was a great filmmaker in my opinion who probably just got tired of being in the spotlight.  Why do people run away when they are at the prime of their careers?  THIS subject would be a great idea for a Micheal Moore documentary.  Why do people quit?  Are they simply just rich enough that they feel like they don’t have to work anymore?  Why do people quit?

At the end of Michael Moore’s last film, Michael Moore basically says, “I just can’t do it anymore” citing that his viewers aren’t politically active enough to make him feel like his films are doing any good.  I think this is a complete cop-out though, Michael Moore is probably sitting at home right now playing World Of Warcraft leveling his level 80 Dwarf, eating cheetoes, and sitting on a pile of money.

I’ve already mentioned Dave Chappelle and Seinfeld…but they’re one last person on this list who I think is the biggest offender when it comes to running away from their audience at the prime of their career like a gutless little twerp….

the #1 Gutless Little Twerp of all time is….

(drumroll please)

#1. Bill Watterson 

Twatterson, twatterson, twatterson….why did you have to quit making Calvin and Hobbes?  Are you really going to go decade upon decade being a cynical bastard whining about how “you didn’t have enough space in the boxes to create the Calvin and Hobbes you envisioned?”  Go fuck yourself.  Seriously.  Go to the closet sex-shop find the biggest, grossest, most unrealistic dildo, lube it up and shove it up your whiny ass, through your gutless stomach until it comes out through your mouth.  You are a gutless little twerp for discontinuing Calivin and Hobbes and you should be ashamed of yourself.

I’ve previously written about Watterson and Chappelle in a blog titled, “Murder” so unfortunately I think I’m starting to repeat myself, but come on guys…do what you’re good at.  That’s what makes you great.

I’m going to go take a dump.

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-Scarlet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About thescarletnumbers

Journalist.
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One Response to Top 10 Gutless Little Twerps: Part Two

  1. Ternesha says:

    Sean,From the Shac7 website”Specifically, these acitivsts are alleged to have operated a website that reported on and expressed ideological support for protest activity against Huntingdon and its business affiliates. For this they are charged with “terrorism” and face an aggregate of 23 years in Federal Prison.”I’ve been trying to find out more about what they actually wrote on that website that got them charged. Do you know what it was? I have no legal expertise but I think that if they were advocating picketing and boycotting that should not have landed them in prison. If on the other hand they were advocating more intrusive behavior then I suppose they would have stepped over the line into advocating criminal behavior. Everyone has the right to advocate shutting down a business or the government for that matter. But the law is pretty clear (and I agree with this) when an organization uses language that incites it’s members to use violence and criminal mischief to effect, they are fair game for prosecution as are the people who actually carried out the action. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. I really have no idea what they did (I’m certainly not going to trust their advocacy site to give me all the facts). Do you know what these guys wrote? Perhaps their site is is archived? Do you know the name/URL?As for whether or not he and his ilk deserves worse than a fine, consider how you would feel if it had been your business that had been repeatedly vandalized? Some of these guys were calling the chef’s house and bothering his family. They even called his parents. Other animal rights acitivsts have put bombs under people’s cars. What sort of treatment do they deserve? Finally, you do realize that I do not advocate violence or vandalism or any type of action against vegans or anyone, right?

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