The Seven Dresses Lady Gaga Wore Specifically So I Could Make Fun Of Them

The Scarlet Numbers – 4.30.12

Hey world.  It’s me Scarlet.  I have some good news, I finally thought of a good Rambo joke. Anyway, I thought today I would write about fashion because that’s much more interesting than what  I think about Mitt Romney.

A lot of people tell me, “You shouldn’t make fun of people.”  But they are wrong.  So here goes, here are the TOP 25 BEST LADY GAGA OUTFITS . 

OUTFIT #1: 

THE “OH MY GOD YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING RETARD TAKE THAT  THING OFF IMMEDIATELY BEFORE I’M SEEN WITH YOU IN PUBLIC”

Worth Blogging about? No.

People who hate it:  Jim Henson, Kermit, everyone

Cost: Worthless

As many of you know, Lady Gaga is unemployed.  Mcdonald’s wouldn’t hire her  even if she had a master’s degree because she’s fucking stupid.  You don’t even have to have a GED to know that a Meat Dress is only cool wearing it for the first two hours.  And then you really start to stink and no one likes you anymore.  Trust me I learned this the hard way because I was being a stupid attention whore just like hear.

A lot of people might ask, if this isn’t worth writing about, then why are you doing it. As a journalist, I think it’s necassarity to clarity that Lady Gaga is neither a good musican, or a good model.  The only thing she’s really good at is being a stupid attention whore.  But Gaga, let me give you a hint.  You’re gonna be single for a LONG time wearing shit like this.  But please, keep it on.

#2. The Dress that makes you wish you had a spear  

I don’t even know how to drive a tractor, but trust me if there were a tractor anywhere with 35 miles of this cunt I would run her over.  Yeah, it’s fucking obvious that if you make a dress made out of bubbles that people are going to start talking about you.  But trust me honey, they’re not saying anything good.  They’re all thinking to themselves, “Gee, I’m really grateful that Scarlet doesn’t know how to drive a tractor because that bitch would be dead.

#3. THE “HEY CAN YOU PUT THAT CAMERA A LITTLE BIT MORE IN FRONT OF YOU FACE SO WE DON’T HAVE TO SEE IT.”

People Who Hate It:  Canon, Boob Enthusiasts, Camera Straps

 This is one of my favorite outfits that Lady Gaga has because you can barely see her face.  However, it’s just not fair for any company to have to suffer the embarrasment when Lady Gaga posts these pictures on Twitter and they all look like shit because she doesn’t know how to use it.

#4.  The “THANKS BITCH.  I REALLY WANTED SOME TEA.” OUTFIT

Worth Blogging about:  Sure, why not.

Who likes this: No one

Lady Gaga is the problem with every artist in the music industry today.  She’s all image, no substance.  The Lady Gaga Hologram who will be performing in 200 years will be practically identical to the real Lady Gaga.  Both mindless, and desperately trying to sway people away from eventually realizing she isn’t Mozart.

Mozart could write a better symphony with his dick.

Artists like Lady Gaga will ofen try to prove themselves by making you tea.  But the chances are you’ll be thinking to yourself, “God, you fucking suck at making tea” when you’re drinking it because she pretty much sucks at everything she makes.  I doubt she could figure out how to make pop tarts.

#5.  The Invisible Shirt

 When Lady Gaga realizes that she’s a dumb whore who’s place in life is in porn and porn only…hopefully she’ll remeber to wear this shirt because it ROCKS.  The love the way the gloves compliment her lack of boobs.  Her frizzled hair to is a good reminder of how shitty she always looks.  Thanks Gaga, for pointing that out.

#6. OUTFIT:  

“BITCH, YOU DON’T EVEN PLAY THE GUITAR. QUIT BEING FAKE.” DRESS

The problem I have with musicians with Lady Gaga is they spend more time with fashion than music.   She’s not hot enough to be a model, however she does have a bit of musical talent….and if you put those things today you just get a freak-show fashion show that noone wants to see.

OUTFIT #7:  OUTFIT:  “FINALLY, YOU’RE HANGING YOURSELF, THANK-GOD!”

Proof there is a God.

Sorry for being so negative today, I’m still on my period.

-Scarlet

4.30.12